The Seven People You Meet In Heaven: 1.) Gwen

I think of Gwen very rarely.
She may pop in my head when I think about drug abuse or when I think of answers to my past but that's pretty much it.  Can you blame me to feel that if I need information about my beginnings, I just think she'd know something...right? ...NO.  The woman who gave birth to me should know the vital information that links us together but for Gwen, maybe she knew the lesson God instilled in her as soon as I was born, and wanted to do her very best to convey that to me.  I think of her as the 1st person I would meet in heaven.

 She knows nothing.  She has nothing for me, and I want nothing from her.  How does she get off feeling that "I" need her?   I've never asked for the child support that she should have gave my father, my grandparents.  I've never asked her to be a part of my life because I don't need her there.  I guess it would be different if I had a desire to be around her.  I don't have an ounce of anger or resentment in my heart for her.  If any thing I'm angry because she has yet to get her life together.  If anything, there are others in my lifetime that I hurt from...But believe me, it's not Gwen.

I'm quite alright.  But I've come to terms with myself, learning so much on my own and growing with each day.  I must admit that I've shyed away from getting to know her.  Because I don't know a thing about her and neither does she about me.  And it's awkward because it shouldn't be this way.  All this time...and you can't tell anyone what your daugter's favorite color is...Or the county she was born in, or where her birth marks are, or her favorite subject in school., favortie holiday?...do you know her fears?...what she's studying in school, what she wants to be when she grows up.  I don't know this woman who I share unknown characteristics with.  She made me.  She birthed me, she named me, she was the 1st to hold me, she fed me, she held me and as hard as I try to recall a memory of her when I was younger...I can Not.  Words spoken with deeper meaning if I could tell her. .."It's Neva Too Late".

Gwen,
Just Try.  Because you're not.  You repeat the same explanation over and over and over again.  I don't need to hear it, because you don't have the power to change what you did. It was meant to be.  The past is just that and God has a reason for it all.  Wake up one morning and talk to him.  How about now? Truly have a heart to heart with your creator. How does it make you feel to know what you do and he...likewise.  How does it feel to feel understood because he is omnicient and a gracious God who does not judge.  I am human and this is only natural to judge simply from my perspective..Who You Are.  I can only go by what I've been shown, some of what I've heard and all of what I've felt.  I can trust myself, my intuitions, my passions, my thoughts, my insecurities, my  ups, my downs...And I have constantly pushed, I have constantly tried, constantly prayed...and what have you done.  It can't always be just me.  I have put myself out there in a vulnerable situation, position, I have pushed.  You have not.  I have been polite, kind, sympathetic, understanding, but most of all forgiving.  Will we come to terms on this realm or the next?...
It's Neva Too Late.